ugh, today

I just wanted to pop in to say that I made it to the gym today even though I wasn't fully functioning till about 2pm AND I'm home alone this whole week! Ok, that's all, bye!

health scare

I ended up in the ER this weekend because of this heart issue I'm having... the one that kicked me in the ass and started this journey. Everything was fine, but paired with a panic attack on the way there... it was not fun. So they kept their eye on me for a little bit then told me to see a cardiologist. I did that today, and it turns out I look healthy as can be; this is most likely being triggered by GERD (which came on because of my weight) and anxiety. So I need to get my butt back in the gym and chill out.

I was really proud of myself today. My husband is out of town, I have three doctors appointments this week, there's an impending snowstorm coming, and I was in meetings until 5pm. But, I still found time to go to the gym. I have to admit: I literally took off my shirt, put my tennis shoes on, and went right into arm day. There I was in my work pants and cami, bench pressing like a boss. Then I freshened up, went back to work, and went about my day.

I learned this a long time ago but -- life is all about balance. I prioritize self-care and truly believe that only if you take care of yourself, can you take care of others. I had 1,000 things to do at work today, but I rearranged my schedule to fit in time for the doctor and the gym. I'm so glad I did. I was more focused, more productive when I came back to the office. And since I'm going to most likely be stuck in the house for the next two days or so, alone, with a toddler... I'm glad I didn't put off the gym today because it didn't fit into my normal schedule!

So I'm happy and healthy... for now... check back in with me in two days ;)

things that have changed my life recently

I posted this on Facebook the other day so I thought I'd do a blog post about it. Many of these things are related to my wellness journey.

• the Instant Pot
• what it is: a fancy pressure cooker
• why i love it - if you read Buzzfeed or use Pinterest, you know why. Cooks anything, FAST. Better than a crockpot because you don't have to prep/sear/brown anything first, you literally just dump it all in.
• my capsule wardrobe
• what it is: the idea is that you reduce your clothes to a few staple and fun peices, and create many outfits from the same set of clothes
• what i love it - it takes the stress out of figuring out what to wear. i purged my closet, donated a ton of stuff that was just taking up space, and got a tax writeoff for doing so.
• Amazon Fresh
• what it is: grocery delivery service
• why i love it - it takes the stress out of figuring out when to go grocery shopping WITHOUT my toddler and I spend less money (my bill has been cut into 1/4 of what I used to spend!) because I'm not tempted in the store
• Zocdoc
• what it is: online doctor finding/scheduling service
• why i love it: i HATE having to call the doctor's office just to make an appointment. even more, i hate calling to have to reschedule if needed. Here I just go online, find a doctor that matches my insurance, make an appointment, and even fill out paperwork online so i don't have to do it when i get there (and it saves your info so if the office doesn't need specific info, it just sends what i've already filled out to them!)
• the "Strong" App
• what it is: an app that you can plan/mark off workouts
• why i love it: i don't have to carry around a clipboard and pen anymore, i just use my phone which is wrapped around my arm anyway. you can record the weight and reps, and mark your sets off as you do them. it even tells you how much weight you used the last time you did the exercise if you're trying to increase. pair that with wireless headphones, weight lifting gloves, and i can't be stopped.
• bluetooth water bottle
• what it is: a waterbottle that measures how much water you drink and records it in your phone
• why i love it: who DOESN'T need to drink more water?! plus it syncs to my Fitbit!
• zoodles/veggie spiralizer
• what it is: vegetables that are cut to look like pasta
• why i love it: i literally can't tell the difference when i make spaghetti, and obviously it's healthier for you.
• dry shampoo
• what it is: a spray for your hair instead of having to wash it.
• why i love it: well, this one shouldn't be hard to figure out.
• Spotify Family
• what it is: a music player that everyone in my house can save and listen to thier own music
• why i love it: every day around 5 pm my jam session would be interrupted by my husband's screamo music because we shared one Spotify account. and my recommendations were all screwed up. Now, everyone has their own and it's only $5 more a month!
• Stitch Fix
• what it is: a clothing delivery service where you get your own stylist and they pick things for you based on your size, shape, and feedback... even your Pinterest boards!
• why i love it: i was SO skeptical about this because I'm a control freak and you don't choose the peices... but the first time i did it i was hooked. i love the suprise every month and if i don't like the things i just send them back... for free!
• avocados
• what it is: delicious, healthy fats
• why i love it: it's a healthier alternative to salad dressing
• meal prep bowls
• what it is: 4 lunches i prep on sundays for the week. it contains: jasmine rice, corn, black beans, lettuce, chicken, avocado, and tortilla strips.
• why i love it: work week lunches are my HARDEST meal of the day due to their needs around portability, temperature, and the fact that I'm an extremely picky eater. If I don't prep ahead I WILL binge on fast food. This helps control that (Fridays are my free days.)
• JIRA
• what it is: a project management system
• why i love it: it has changed the way I work and streamlines my to-do list.
• Apoquel
• what it is: an allergy drug for dogs
• why i love it: my bella has suffered from allergies all 11 years of her life, and this is a miracle drug that has restored her color, coat, and sanity.
• Snapchat Groups
• what it is: you can now send snaps to a whole group of people instead of scrolling through your list of friends to find the right people
• why i love it: not everyone wants 124 seconds of Juliette snaps every day
• SlingTV
• what it is: a service that allows you to pay less for live and on demand tv
• why i love it: it cut my cable bill in half
• Doody Calls
• what it is: a dog poop scooping service
• why i love it: i would pay 4 times the fee they charge to not have to do this awful chore.
• Echo Dot/Wemo
• what it is: Echo is Amazon's personal/home assistant and Wemo is a device you plug into the wall so you can control whatever is plugged into it
• why i love it: my daughter is afraid of the dark and has to fall asleep with the light on, so before I go to bed everynight all I have to say is "Alexa, turn Juliette's light off" and boom.

Some of these things may seem unnecessary, expensive, and ridiculous. But I say work smarter, not harder :)

me and my clipboard

I'm type-A organized. Ask my family, friends, coworkers. So naturally, when I decided to start this journey, I came up with a plan. It was a google doc and I had the exercises I would do each day, how many reps, a place to record the weight, and even little pictures of how the excerise is done (I'm still a newbie!) I printed it out, attached it to a clipboard, and brought it with me to the gym. I looked like a DORK and I didn't care. It was keeping me accountable and on track.

But then I started thinking about how annoying it was to carry a clipboard around, make sure I had a pen, plus my phone of course duh. So I came home tonight and started looking for an app that would do the same thing, so all I need is my phone and my (wireless) headphones while doing my thing. Well I found one!!! It's perfect, it does everything I need, and it's FREE. It's called "Strong". Check it out.

I took a pic of me doing a barbell squat today, and also some "before" selfies in the mirror. Yikes. But I'm glad I did it and like I said on Snapchat, everyone has to start somewhere.

I was really proud of myself today because I had to get up really early, I sat in an 8 hour meeting, my hair appointment (which was going to keep me out and about and off the couch) was cancelled, we even ordered pizza for dinner... but I still went to the gym after

my kid went to bed and I even pushed my niece to come with me. I'll tell you what.... I have an AMAZING support system through my friends and I am SO thankful for that <3

Ps - I bought weightlifting gloves today and it made me feel like a total badass when I put them on in the gym.

a surprise on the scale

So randomly I stepped on the scale today and since 2 weeks ago before I left for vacation I've lost 8 pounds. What?! I guess walking 20k steps in Disney each day really helped avoid vacation overindulging. I'm not going to obsess over the scale, but I gotta be honest... it was motivating.

It was my first day back at work after vaca... I won't get into that but I was proud of myself. A 10 hour work day, I went to the doctor and took care of an ear issue I've had for the past month, got through all my emails, went to therapy, went to the gym, AND cooked dinner. Like a BAWSS.

Today I used the workout program I created for the first time. It was just arms and man, I feel it. But I had my clipboard with me, checking off things as I did them, and I was rocking out with my wireless headphones. They are evvvverything.  It felt kinda nerdy but I legit didn't care. I felt strong. My very last exercise was the bench press and it really made me feel like a badass. I can't wait to watch my progression with the amount of weight I can lift. That is motivating for me.

Tomorrow I get to rest (yay!) and I'm going to break down my typical diet during the week.... the good, the bad, and the ugly. Stay tuned.

Lift me up

So, today I went to the gym for the first time in.... 6 months. I did NO cardio, only weights and machines. I really loved it!! That was my problem - if I don't enjoy something, I don't have the willpower to push through it. So, like I did with hiking several years ago, I had to find something I actually enjoyed.

The routine I followed was based off this. I dragged my niece along with me (I'm also the type of person that does better with support) and we spent the evening just learning the machines and trying the exercises. I'm sure the bodybuilder guy that was there was laughing at us, but because I had support I didn't care. We were there for about an hour and we tried everything... I was really proud of us. Now, we can come back and (kind of) know what we're doing. I split the schedule like this:

Monday: arms
Tuesday: rest
Wednesday: legs
Thursday: rest
Friday: abs
Saturday: rest
Sunday: cardio

My hope is that on Sundays, my family and I will do something active together. Hiking, jump-type place where toddlers go nuts, swimming when it gets nicer out.

OH! I also bought an Instant Pot. Sundays are my meal prep days so I was pumped to try this thing out. I've heard so much about it online, especially on Pinterest. After one success (family said it made the best potatoes they'd ever tasted) and one fail (a Pinterest recipe called for NINE cups of water with rice and beans and it turned out gross) I think I'm getting the hang of it. Now I gotta go to Costco and buy life-sized bags of ALL THE THINGS!

So, taking what I learned from my nutritionist, I made 4 lunches and 4 snack boxes.

Lunches:
1 cup jasmine rice
1/2 cup corn
1/2 cup black beans
4oz grilled chicken
and 1 avocado and 2 tbsp tortilla strips added when it's time to eat

Snack boxes:
4 whole grain crackers
1 laughing cow swiss cheese wedge
1/8c almonds
4 strawberries OR 1/2 apple
1 dark chocolate square

Tried and true, this keeps me full until I get home, avoiding those mid-commute drive through stops.

Now, as for breakfast... I'm not a breakfast person AT ALL. I struggle with it because I like to get up and go in the mornings, so I need something portable. BUT... I also want to try "intermittent fasting", which means you don't eat for 15 hours. This gives your body a chance to burn stored fat. So I plan on not eating from 7pm-10am. This is totally fine since I love to sleep anyway ;) Maybe I'll allow myself to have some coffee on the way to work? I'll let you know how it goes this week...

About me and my history

I thought it might be helpful, if nothing else for myself, to write down how I got here.

But first...

This is me today. I'm 36 years old and the mom of a beautiful little girl. We live in a gorgeous lakeside community outside of Frederick Maryland with my husband, my niece, three dogs (all rescued pitbulls!), and a cat. I've got a fulfilling career at a major animal welfare nonprofit, where I've spent the last 11 years establishing myself as a thought leader in the area of social media, and now I run the digital marketing department. I'm crafty, compassionate, organized, extroverted, and a doer. But most of all, I'm TIRED. Dude, aint nobody got time to train in the gym all day or the money to hire a personal chef. I'm a working mom with an infinite to do list and zero patience. I struggle with mental health issues which plays a part in all of this, too. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm an open book. So here starts my simple, practical, sustainable journey to health.

Now, rewind back to high school. I was pretty active and lean; not a skinny girl, but not overweight. I participated in some sports and was on my feet constantly at work.  I don't ever remember worrying about my weight or what I ate.

I'm about 18 in this pic (wtf?!)

I gained a little bit of weight in college because, alcohol. And a food court tied to a credit card that, God love her, my mom paid. But I was still pretty active, not at ALL a couch potato, so I maintained a weight around 130 which is normal for my height. I drank Miller Lites, danced my ass off 3 nights a week, ran a sorority, and worked an on-campus job. I developed depression after my dad passed away but was treated and managed with medication. I don't ever remember worrying about my weight or what I ate at this point in my life, either.

Thennnnn came my mid-20's, post graduation. I discover craft beer and get lazy working my first desk job out of college. My friends and I go out downtown almost every night of the week and tear it up. There's a shit ton of late night fast food, even worse than college. None of my friends are married; we're all single and living it up. At first I manage it. But nothing lasts forever.

5 years go by of this wild lifestyle. It was SO MUCH EFFING FUN, but it took a toll on my body. This catches up to me... I gain 20 lbs in the first year out of college, and then another 20 in the next two years. I decide that 170lbs is a little scary and decide to go on Weight Watchers with a friend. We actually go to the meetings, which I thought I'd hate. But it works and I lose 20 lbs! I wish I could lose another 20, but I'm happy with my progress.

I develop a love for hiking, particularly by myself. This helps me maintain for a bit and keeps my mental health in check.

At this point it's 2012 and I'm 31 years old. This is when I meet my husband. What a whirlwind time in my life. I gain back the 20 lbs I lost on Weight Watchers in the first year we're together thanks to beer festivals and dinner dates. I also stopped hiking because who has time for that when you're in loooooove? To put it simply: he brings so much good to my life, but I got comfortable and let myself go.

We get married in September 2013 and I'm still an uncomfortable - but tolerable - 170 lbs. Makeup, hair, and good lighting save my wedding photos.

Shortly after the wedding I get pregnant with my daughter and gain 30 lbs. I ate whatever I wanted and struggled with prenatal depression (and was too scared to take anything for it.) Honestly, I thought I'd gain more but I didn't because - you guessed it - no drinking. I was right under 200 lbs before I had her with the mentality that I'd just MAGICALLY shed all the weight off after she was born. Yeah, ok.

The day I had my daughter!

After she was born, my mental health situation got worse as I developed postpartum depression and doubted everything about myself... especially my ability to care for another (tiny) human being. Truth be told I was terrified to be a mom. It was something I read books about, took classes, joined Facebook groups... but had zero experience in. I wasn't used to that. At work I have all the answers. At home I'm the boss. I run shit. But I had no idea what I was doing and that was terrifying. Still, the day she was born was the happiest day of my life. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Aaaaaand then I started drinking again. We weren't going out much anymore because we had this new little baby, but the fact was that I could. Plus, the stress - I definitely drank at night to relax. Sigh. My relationship with alcohol is admittedly one to be examined. Problem status? No. But I loved to party in my 20's - I loved the social aspect of going to bars. Then I grew to love the taste of craft beers in my early 30's, and of course they have more calories. And in my mid 30's, it's been all about inducing relaxation. Although I'm under medical care for my anxiety and depression, obviously you chill out after a few drinks. The unfortunate thing is that this became a habit; part of my daily routine. Wake up, get baby ready, work all day, come home, make dinner, put baby to bed, have a few drinks and watch tv. And that shit REALLY added up.

One year post partum

I got back down to 180 after having my daughter but in the two years after, I gained and gained. When I hit the 200lb mark, I got really into meal prepping, hoping it would help me lose weight. I would plan, shop, and make these beautiful, healthy lunches (my hardest meal of the day because of portability) and it did NOTHING. At this point I decided to see a nutritionist. While I've done quite a bit of my own research on nutrition and weight loss, she really opened my eyes to my specific problem - the hours after work. Fast food and alcohol were my downfall. I would eat a normal, healthy, actually delicious lunch that I prepped (see it here) and then be STARVING after work, so I'd stop and get something on the way home. Damn you Taco Bell conveniently located on my route. Then, I'd come home and either be too tired to make anything so we'd order out or I'd have a drink while cooking. And either way, we'd sit down after the baby went to bed and have a few drinks while we watched tv.

2 years postpartum

Fast forward to today. In the last 6 months I've gained another 10 lbs because of this unhealthy, lazy, sedentary lifestyle. The nutritionist helped, and I curbed the after work hunger with homemade snack boxes (see them here), but then I fell off the wagon when I went on an extended vacation. I've had some emotional stuff going on in the past months too, so that didn't help. Ugh, what a vicious cycle. I need to learn a more healthy way to deal with stress and find the willpower to stick to my plan. Period.

My girls weekend last week. It's time for a change.