About me and my history

I thought it might be helpful, if nothing else for myself, to write down how I got here.

But first...

This is me today. I'm 36 years old and the mom of a beautiful little girl. We live in a gorgeous lakeside community outside of Frederick Maryland with my husband, my niece, three dogs (all rescued pitbulls!), and a cat. I've got a fulfilling career at a major animal welfare nonprofit, where I've spent the last 11 years establishing myself as a thought leader in the area of social media, and now I run the digital marketing department. I'm crafty, compassionate, organized, extroverted, and a doer. But most of all, I'm TIRED. Dude, aint nobody got time to train in the gym all day or the money to hire a personal chef. I'm a working mom with an infinite to do list and zero patience. I struggle with mental health issues which plays a part in all of this, too. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm an open book. So here starts my simple, practical, sustainable journey to health.

Now, rewind back to high school. I was pretty active and lean; not a skinny girl, but not overweight. I participated in some sports and was on my feet constantly at work.  I don't ever remember worrying about my weight or what I ate.

I'm about 18 in this pic (wtf?!)

I gained a little bit of weight in college because, alcohol. And a food court tied to a credit card that, God love her, my mom paid. But I was still pretty active, not at ALL a couch potato, so I maintained a weight around 130 which is normal for my height. I drank Miller Lites, danced my ass off 3 nights a week, ran a sorority, and worked an on-campus job. I developed depression after my dad passed away but was treated and managed with medication. I don't ever remember worrying about my weight or what I ate at this point in my life, either.

Thennnnn came my mid-20's, post graduation. I discover craft beer and get lazy working my first desk job out of college. My friends and I go out downtown almost every night of the week and tear it up. There's a shit ton of late night fast food, even worse than college. None of my friends are married; we're all single and living it up. At first I manage it. But nothing lasts forever.

5 years go by of this wild lifestyle. It was SO MUCH EFFING FUN, but it took a toll on my body. This catches up to me... I gain 20 lbs in the first year out of college, and then another 20 in the next two years. I decide that 170lbs is a little scary and decide to go on Weight Watchers with a friend. We actually go to the meetings, which I thought I'd hate. But it works and I lose 20 lbs! I wish I could lose another 20, but I'm happy with my progress.

I develop a love for hiking, particularly by myself. This helps me maintain for a bit and keeps my mental health in check.

At this point it's 2012 and I'm 31 years old. This is when I meet my husband. What a whirlwind time in my life. I gain back the 20 lbs I lost on Weight Watchers in the first year we're together thanks to beer festivals and dinner dates. I also stopped hiking because who has time for that when you're in loooooove? To put it simply: he brings so much good to my life, but I got comfortable and let myself go.

We get married in September 2013 and I'm still an uncomfortable - but tolerable - 170 lbs. Makeup, hair, and good lighting save my wedding photos.

Shortly after the wedding I get pregnant with my daughter and gain 30 lbs. I ate whatever I wanted and struggled with prenatal depression (and was too scared to take anything for it.) Honestly, I thought I'd gain more but I didn't because - you guessed it - no drinking. I was right under 200 lbs before I had her with the mentality that I'd just MAGICALLY shed all the weight off after she was born. Yeah, ok.

The day I had my daughter!

After she was born, my mental health situation got worse as I developed postpartum depression and doubted everything about myself... especially my ability to care for another (tiny) human being. Truth be told I was terrified to be a mom. It was something I read books about, took classes, joined Facebook groups... but had zero experience in. I wasn't used to that. At work I have all the answers. At home I'm the boss. I run shit. But I had no idea what I was doing and that was terrifying. Still, the day she was born was the happiest day of my life. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Aaaaaand then I started drinking again. We weren't going out much anymore because we had this new little baby, but the fact was that I could. Plus, the stress - I definitely drank at night to relax. Sigh. My relationship with alcohol is admittedly one to be examined. Problem status? No. But I loved to party in my 20's - I loved the social aspect of going to bars. Then I grew to love the taste of craft beers in my early 30's, and of course they have more calories. And in my mid 30's, it's been all about inducing relaxation. Although I'm under medical care for my anxiety and depression, obviously you chill out after a few drinks. The unfortunate thing is that this became a habit; part of my daily routine. Wake up, get baby ready, work all day, come home, make dinner, put baby to bed, have a few drinks and watch tv. And that shit REALLY added up.

One year post partum

I got back down to 180 after having my daughter but in the two years after, I gained and gained. When I hit the 200lb mark, I got really into meal prepping, hoping it would help me lose weight. I would plan, shop, and make these beautiful, healthy lunches (my hardest meal of the day because of portability) and it did NOTHING. At this point I decided to see a nutritionist. While I've done quite a bit of my own research on nutrition and weight loss, she really opened my eyes to my specific problem - the hours after work. Fast food and alcohol were my downfall. I would eat a normal, healthy, actually delicious lunch that I prepped (see it here) and then be STARVING after work, so I'd stop and get something on the way home. Damn you Taco Bell conveniently located on my route. Then, I'd come home and either be too tired to make anything so we'd order out or I'd have a drink while cooking. And either way, we'd sit down after the baby went to bed and have a few drinks while we watched tv.

2 years postpartum

Fast forward to today. In the last 6 months I've gained another 10 lbs because of this unhealthy, lazy, sedentary lifestyle. The nutritionist helped, and I curbed the after work hunger with homemade snack boxes (see them here), but then I fell off the wagon when I went on an extended vacation. I've had some emotional stuff going on in the past months too, so that didn't help. Ugh, what a vicious cycle. I need to learn a more healthy way to deal with stress and find the willpower to stick to my plan. Period.

My girls weekend last week. It's time for a change.